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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Goals Part 2

I'm still not smoking. No Smoke America you have really helped. My mood is good for the most part and lord knows I love that you dole out drugs if I call saying I have anxiety! That's right. They told me to call if I feel anxious and overwhelmed, which I did. I wanted (and still want) to smoke so badly I can taste it. According to them, this isn't withdrawal, it's anxiety. See, a pack of smokes is like a best friend that you share the good times and bad times with. Lately, I'm having a constant and equal mix of both. And I've always been a slight basket case anyway. So a low dose of xanax is helping me keep from smoking.

However, that is going to run out not too long from now and they won't prescribe a refill, so at that point, I'm on my own. Think I can get my life together in 30 days or so? I serously doubt it. I'm one of those people that can't make major decisions. I wait for others to decide for me, which would explain the predictament I'm in now. I'm also terribly terribly passive agressive, which means I stay angry and bitter about things but do absolutely nothing to communicate those feelings to the parties causing the turmoil. Oh i've made it clear that things need to change, but haven't expressed the anger that wells up every single time I get reminded of what is causing that turmoil. And it's not just one thing, it's a few things.

But I digress, this blog is not for my passive agressive release. It's supposed to inspire others to improve their lives, like I try to improve mine. Well I talk a good game, anyway.

I've gone 9 days without smoking now. That's an improvement, and I do feel more energetic. I'm slowly getting back to Thrive Weightloss eating, at least during the week, although I'm still drinking 1 or 2 beers a day, which defeats the diet. It's impossible to follow on the weekends while living with someone that has no weight problem and does our grocery shopping and cooking so I haven't even been trying to follow it then.

I still haven't started back with Turbo Fire and I'm still having joint pain in my lower back. It seems these days anything I do makes it hurt. But I think the 10 pounds I've put on is what's causing a lot of the back pain, so getting that off will get me closer to being able to get back to Turbo Fire.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Goals

My boss called me into his office yesterday to ask me what my goals are for next year. I told him I want to los 10 pounds. I don't think that's exactly what he meant to get out of the conversation, but hopefully a little humor always helps at yearly review time.

I thought this would be a good time to spill my personal goals for the following year.

Goal 1: I really would like to get back to the Thrive Weightloss way of eating. It's amazing how well it works. If only I had followed the maintenance plan to keep it off. I write this while I'm eating trail mix made from dried fruit, mixed nuts and tons of chocolate and peanut butter chips.

Goal 2: Quit sabotaging myself once I reach a goal. I really prefer to blame my husband for the sabotage, although that's not completely fair. He's not forcing beer and hot wings down my throat, but he keeps bringing them home, so he definitely contributes. Why'd I marry a man from a naturally skinny family?

Goal 3: Go through the complete 3 month (I think it's 3 months) Turbo Fire exercise program.

Goal 4: Get that darn MCTS certification.

Goal 5: Get through a year without smoking a cigerette. I'm on day 6!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Welpex

I know, I haven't posted in a while, even though I said I would. I have my excuses and for the most part they're not going to be named.

I have been forced to quit smoking. I knew it would happen someday, but I didn't expect it so quickly. My health insurance is going to go up a small fortune if I don't quit, so I have been trying several methods. Keep in mind that I've been smoking for 30 years, so it's like killing my best friend (I know, so dramatic). I have to briefly mention that it completely pisses me off that the insurance companies aren't going after type 2 diabetics, a huge epidemic in this country. It's not politically correct to pick on fat people like it is smokers. I get it. I have perfect pulmonary function, perfect heart rate, better than perfect cholesterol but they're going to charge me $100.00 more a month for insurance than someone who has to inject insulin in their gut every day simply because they can't stay away from processed foods and sweets and can't take time to exercise. Grrrrrrrrr.

I tried cold turkey. I feel sorry for anyone who was around me those 3 days. I was a royal bitch! And I couldn't sleep. My muscles and nerves were so on edge it was making me and everyone around me miserable. this is not a good method to try when your job is primarily customer service based.

I tried nicotine patch. That is just slow torture. All it does is prolong the agony.

I tried cutting back. I can come up with more excuses than you can imagine for a smoke. Needless to say, it didn't work.

So I tried the Welpex shots. I researched it and that made me soooooo nervous. Mostly because I couldn't find any information that wasn't put out by the people selling the stuff. You can tell because page after page was the excact same drivel. I know the medicines in the shots was FDA approved but not FDA approved for that use. I got so tired of reading the exact same information webpage after webpage. It was obvious the clinics that administer this method were the ones putting all the data out there. I did read see one Youtube video about the dangers of it. How the doctor that 'discovered' it had his license revoked due to fraud and that one of the medicines is a poison. I really didn't give that much thought. I probably would have if I had seen articles or forums where people discussed the problems they'd had. Besides, if you're willing to put all those toxins found in cigerettes into your body, what's a little poison?

So what's it like? After the shots I was sleepy and my throat was dry. I slept most of the way home, most of the evening and woke up pretty refreshed the next morning. Now I'm taking 2 prescriptions that keep a very low dose of the medicine in my system for 2 weeks, to get me through the withdrawal. They have slight side affects, but in my mind pleasant ones. If you ever got stoned 30 years ago when pot was really pot and not the chemical crap it is now, it is like that. At least I think it is. It's been so many years since I got high I'm not positive, but that's what it reminds me of.

It's not a miracle cure. I do want a smoke. I want to celebrate the fall weather with a glass of wine and cigerette while sitting on my back porch. I want to wake up to a hot cup of coffee and cigerette. But I know these are my emotional habits talking. My evil little friend. Not the withdrawal symptoms.

So yes it does work. I am not having the harsh withdrawal symptoms that I was having. But the emotional symptoms are still there and still strong. I have to keep reminding myself $150.00 a month for shopping. . . . $150.00 a month for shopping.

Surely that will motivate me to stay away from smoking again. Money talks!