Goals Part 2

I'm still not smoking. No Smoke America you have really helped. My mood is good for the most part and lord knows I love that you dole out drugs if I call saying I have anxiety! That's right. They told me to call if I feel anxious and overwhelmed, which I did. I wanted (and still want) to smoke so badly I can taste it. According to them, this isn't withdrawal, it's anxiety. See, a pack of smokes is like a best friend that you share the good times and bad times with. Lately, I'm having a constant and equal mix of both. And I've always been a slight basket case anyway. So a low dose of xanax is helping me keep from smoking.

However, that is going to run out not too long from now and they won't prescribe a refill, so at that point, I'm on my own. Think I can get my life together in 30 days or so? I serously doubt it. I'm one of those people that can't make major decisions. I wait for others to decide for me, which would explain the predictament I'm in now. I'm also terribly terribly passive agressive, which means I stay angry and bitter about things but do absolutely nothing to communicate those feelings to the parties causing the turmoil. Oh i've made it clear that things need to change, but haven't expressed the anger that wells up every single time I get reminded of what is causing that turmoil. And it's not just one thing, it's a few things.

But I digress, this blog is not for my passive agressive release. It's supposed to inspire others to improve their lives, like I try to improve mine. Well I talk a good game, anyway.

I've gone 9 days without smoking now. That's an improvement, and I do feel more energetic. I'm slowly getting back to Thrive Weightloss eating, at least during the week, although I'm still drinking 1 or 2 beers a day, which defeats the diet. It's impossible to follow on the weekends while living with someone that has no weight problem and does our grocery shopping and cooking so I haven't even been trying to follow it then.

I still haven't started back with Turbo Fire and I'm still having joint pain in my lower back. It seems these days anything I do makes it hurt. But I think the 10 pounds I've put on is what's causing a lot of the back pain, so getting that off will get me closer to being able to get back to Turbo Fire.